You don’t want advice...

“If you told yourself the truth, it’s not advice you’re seeking. It’s agreement.” - Gary John Bishop via Threads

A few years ago, I was on another call with my mentor sharing a celebration for where I was and how far I had come. She congratulated me with a little shimmy and smiled wide. Then she looked at me and said, “I love this for you and am always happy to celebrate with you. Now let’s look at the deeper truth: are you paying me to celebrate with you or are you paying me to support you in your growth?”

That hit HARD.

She was right. I wanted her approval. I wanted her to celebrate my growth with me, yet that wasn’t the reason I had paid her to walk alongside me. I had been so proud of myself, I didn’t even see that I was only growing incrementally because of this.

If you look around social media, you’ll see posts about controversial topics that end with “comment below if you agree.” What if I don’t agree though? Should I not comment?

Most of us, myself included, aren’t really open to advice. If someone says to me, “you know what you should do?”, my immediate reaction is “I’m out.” That phrase will immediately stop me from listening. And I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Why is it that we humans have such a hard time receiving advice or support? Especially those of us who are driven go-getters. Because our egos like being right. We thoroughly enjoy a good debate only if we know we’re the ones on the right side. As if there is a right side.

Most of my clients are like me. They see in me what they see in themselves. Someone who doesn’t take anyone’s shit, yet also has a hard time accepting that they need help. Guiding humans like me isn’t easy, yet it’s powerful when we open up to accept the support we ultimately need.

What I mean by this is that many of us want to have someone agree with us. We don’t want to be wrong or bad, we want to be right and good. We want someone to blame for things not working out, yet aren’t interested in being the one to take the blame. Because it couldn’t possibly be our fault.

Yet if we want to grow–to become the next version of ourselves–we have to be willing to see the truth. And that truth often comes with deep honesty.

My mentor had to be honest with me that she wasn’t getting the truth and I had to be open to seeing the truth that I was only bringing the good stuff to her. It was a two-way street. Accountability from her and honesty from me. I was only bringing the stuff she could celebrate with me. The stuff she would be proud of. The stuff that would help her validate my growth.

I had left out the fact that I was lying on my bedroom floor catatonic trying to make decisions with massive bouts of anxiety, watching my husband do literally anything in his power to get me up.

I left out the fact that I was struggling through sales calls because I was (I later found out) people-pleasing instead of poking around for the truth.

I left out my daily challenges with the horrible things I said to myself in the mirror, how I avoided being naked at all costs, and how I had no idea why my husband thought I was worth being with.

I even left out the fact that I would get so nervous to meet new people that I would overthink everything I wore and lock up shaking to the point that I would say weird things.

It would take my honesty and her accountability to finally get me to where I am today. To a place where most would never believe any of the above had ever been my truth. To a place where I live without anxiety, fear, or spiraling. To a place where I am fully in love with myself and honest no matter the cost.

Four years ago, my business got swept away with the pandemic. I was speaking full-time and hosting retreats and everything disappeared overnight. It would take hiring my mentor and really looking at myself to see the truth of where I was AND the fact that the pandemic was probably the best thing that could have happened to my exhausted, workaholic self.

This week, I’m hosting my 10th retreat since launching The Brilliant Rebellion and I can see just how much has shifted from the first to now. How I have grown into the leader of this incredible tribe of rebels stepping into their own rebellions–becoming their next selves. Without my willingness to look at the truth, I couldn’t sit with these beautiful humans–Rebels & Crew–as they get really honest with themselves about what’s possible for their futures.

None of us are further ahead or behind, even if it feels like it. Yet there are people who love us unconditionally and will help us look at the truth, if we’re willing to be honest with ourselves.

So, as our newest Rebels step into their next selves, I ask you this: Where are you not being fully honest with yourself? And where do you need to ask for support, not just celebration?

Here for you, as always, you beautiful soul.

xoxo

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